Free Writing Fun

Fun With Freewriting – Week 15: Suspicious


Time for week 15’s entry for Fun with Freewriting. Please feel free to leave a comment, I enjoy and encourage feedback, and if you have any favourites from any on them let me know! You can check them out on my Fun with Freewriting page.

The trees and the houses whizzed past on either side, and I tried to keep my gaze trained on them. I held on to the rail tight with one hand, the other clasped to the strap of my backpack. Standing with my feet apart, I braced myself against the bumps and turns as we negotiated each corner. I swayed in unison with the other passengers sitting in their seats, everyone trying their hardest to look at anything but their fellow travelers.

        I couldn’t help myself though, I had to keep checking on them, to see if I had caught anyone’s attention. Keeping my head towards the window I stole a glance, first one side and then the other. Everyone seemed to be in their own little world, caught up in their own bubble of existence and whatever problems they were dealing with. I still didn’t trust them though. Any one of them could have been sent to watch me, to monitor my movements. How far would they let me go with my plans before pouncing?

        I looked around at them all in turn, sizing them up as potential threats, but the truth was it could be absolutely any of them. They were thorough in their deception, and it was a tough job for me to detect the impostor, never-mind a layman spotting them. And there were all the people sitting upstairs too, it could be any one of them and they were out of my sight line to check them out.

        The bus finally slowed and everyone began shuffling with their belongings ready to depart. As they all rose from their seats I pushed myself back against the window, willing myself to become as small as possible. One by one they filed past me towards the door, and with my head lowered I cast my glance up to look each of them in the eye. Their reaction to my presence was mixed, some smiling politely, to which I tried to reply, others scowling at me full of suspicion. And of course I couldn’t blame them, I really should have been the first to step off, but I needed to check my back first.

        As the last of my fellow passengers passed by, I joined the queue not knowing whether I felt relieved or frustrated. Surely they weren’t going to make this easy for me? Or maybe I was losing my touch a little. Either way I had no choice but to keep going with it, and keep my eyes open all the way. They had to reveal themselves at some point, and when they did I had to make sure I was ready.


One thought on “Fun With Freewriting – Week 15: Suspicious

  1. I like where this story is going. As a suggestion I would personally transpose the first and second paragraph’s first lines. The first line of the second paragraph creates a lot of suspense and would have the reader asking so many questions. Sorry, to bore on about first lines and all that.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s